About Cam Adair

Cam Adair is a speaker, writer and player of chess. A prominent thought leader on gaming addiction, he shares weekly videos on YouTube.

Game Quitters is a community for gamers who want to quit and get their life back on track. You can join the community for free, here.

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fear of failure as a parent

Fear of failure is a normal part of being parent. You’re responsible, and want to do the best job you can. You want your child to have more opportunities than you did. You want to provide them with a better life.

But could your fear of failure as a parent be contributing to your child’s video game addiction?

Recently I sat down for dinner in Adelaide with a group of 15 parents and the conversation was enlightening for me in particular, because there was a consistent theme that kept coming up throughout the night: their desire as parents to ensure their kids did not fail.

To avoid that, they were taking care of every obstacle in the way of their child’s success. They were cooking for them, doing their laundry, and paying their bills.

But was this truly helping their children succeed?

Before I dive into that question, I want to recognize each of you for being incredible parents. You are doing your best, and your actions are coming from a deep sense of love you have for your kids. You should be acknowledged! Thank you.

I also want to state that I am not a parent and I am certainly not here to tell you how to parent. What I can do, however, is share with you my perspective based on the thousands of interactions I have with those addicted to video games – including my own experience going through the struggle – with the hope that my perspective helps you navigate your role as a parent in their lives.

Stop Removing Every Obstacle

So what does removing every obstacle in their path achieve? It create more space and time for your child to spend studying and being productive to become successful. Or at least that’s what your intention is.

The first problem with this is called Parkinson’s Law, a productivity principle that “work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion”. The more time you have to complete a task, the more time you will take to complete the task.

So your child comes home from school and has no other responsibilities for the night except to complete their homework. They have about six hours after school to get it done, so they think to themselves, “well my homework will only take me an hour, so I can game for a few hours first.”

We all know how that ends.

When they have less time to complete a task, they have no choice but to focus harder to get it done. They don’t have the luxury to waste time. By including them in chores or family responsibilities, you cut down the amount of time they have to waste gaming, or mindlessly watch YouTube videos.

A Safe Place to Fail

question

The second problem with removing every obstacle in their way is that it creates a mindset that failure is bad. When failure is bad, failure creates pain, and pain is something we all want to avoid.

That’s not to say that failure is “good”, but failure is a very natural part of the growth and learning process, and that’s how it should be taught.

Allowing your child to fail gives them the opportunity to learn and grow. Allowing your child to fail allows them to cultivate a healthy relationship with failure, instead of an unhealthy one that needs to avoided.

One of the main reasons your child plays video games is because it’s a safe place for them to fail. If they die in the game they just press the restart button and try again. Life doesn’t work the same way, and failures in life feel more permanent.

If they apply for that job you’re asking them to apply for and they get rejected, that hurts. If they put effort into school and they fail, maybe they weren’t as smart as they thought. That hurts, especially for their ego.

Why put themselves out there like that when they can just avoid it and escape into video games instead?

If you find your child is gaming more than you’d like, or you’re concerned it has become a full-blown addiction, there are many variables that can be involved, but one of them is the relationship your child has with failure.

3 Steps You Can Take Today

1. Have a conversation with them about their perspective on failure.

How does failure make them feel? Do they believe failure is necessary to learn and grow? If they failed to achieve (something you’re asking them to do like apply for that job, go back to school, etc), what would they do? What could their plan for the “worst case scenario” be?

2. Include them in more household responsibilities and chores.

Have them make their own lunches, and do their own laundry. It will teach them independence and that is one of the best things you can do to help them become more responsible adults.

3. Become more comfortable with the idea of failure, and more willing to allow your child to fail.

That does not mean you should continue to enable them to game for 16 hours a day, it means to be more willing to set stronger boundaries. If that means your child needs to move out and risk failing on their own, then that’s ok.

Special thank you to the parent in Adelaide who hosted me for this parent night, and for the other parents who came to have an open and honest conversation. If you’d like to host a parent night in your area, please reach out and get in touch.

Lost Your Child to Gaming?

I understand how you feel, because I was addicted to playing video games. In fact, I dropped out of high school, never went to college, and even wrote a suicide note. That is until I learned “why” I was so drawn to games. Today I’ve been game-free for seven years, and I’m finally reaching my full potential! Now I want to help your child do the same.

That’s why I’ve created Reclaim. I’ve taken my years of experience, and thousands of hours studying this subject, and distilled it to exactly what you need to know to help your child overcome their video game addiction.

Cam’s book Reclaim is brilliant and is highly needed. We strongly recommend Reclaim to parents seeking help and solutions for their kids struggling with digital media overuse. – Andrew Doan, MD, PhD (author, speaker, and neuroscientist) and Julie Doan, RN (author, speaker, and life coach)

LEARN MORE

Today I sat down with Dr. Denise MD, a Child and Adult Psychiatrist to discuss how parents can ensure they don’t raise a bully:

Watch it below: How to Not Raise a Bully

A few key ideas from the video:

  • Teach your child how to communicate in the kindest way possible
  • Teach your child to pause before they hit send on their text messages or email.
  • Teach your child to be a citizen of the world, and to be friendly with the people around.
  • Teach your child to smile, make eye contact, and use more verbal communication
  • Teach your child about humanitarian values and altruism.
  • Teach your child to be a leader and set a positive example for their friends.

Lost Your Child to Gaming?

I understand how you feel, because I was addicted to playing video games. In fact, I dropped out of high school, never went to college, and even wrote a suicide note. That is until I learned “why” I was so drawn to games. Today I’ve been game-free for seven years, and I’m finally reaching my full potential! Now I want to help your child do the same.

That’s why I’ve created Reclaim. I’ve taken my years of experience, and thousands of hours studying this subject, and distilled it to exactly what you need to know to help your child overcome their video game addiction.

Cam’s book Reclaim is brilliant and is highly needed. We strongly recommend Reclaim to parents seeking help and solutions for their kids struggling with digital media overuse. – Andrew Doan, MD, PhD (author, speaker, and neuroscientist) and Julie Doan, RN (author, speaker, and life coach)

LEARN MORE

Cam Adair Instagram

Today marks 2,454 days since I quit playing video games, and I’m often asked why I don’t try to play in moderation.

Here’s why:

It’s not that I don’t think I could potentially play games in moderation… (although that’s a huge risk with how gaming warps the brain)…

But it’s because I don’t like the person I am when I’m gaming.

If I was gaming I would only do the bare minimum in my life to get by, so I could maximize the amount of “free time” I have to game.

I wouldn’t have gone surfing this morning, or be traveling in Byron Bay, Australia right now. I wouldn’t have that many friends, most likely no relationships, and certainly not my own business.

I would simply work whatever job I had to that would pay me enough money to pay my rent, and then I’d spend all the rest of my time playing. And that’s if I managed to even keep a job, or have my own apartment in the first place.

We know from research that there are alarming trends for the amount of men living at home, unemployed, and without partners, and with no interest in any of it! Is gaming the cause of all of this? Of course not.

Is Gaming Part of the Solution?

Now that’s the point. Are games good or bad… should you play in moderation or not…

All of it comes down to one simple truth: is gaming truly serving you? Or is it just a way for you to escape and check out from a life that you’re not very proud of?

Watch: How to Overcome Escapism

From the study we did with Dr. Daniel King, 60% of you reported that being able to escape in the game was hugely important. Which begs the question, what are you trying to escape from?

And is gaming helping you escape temporarily… or is it solving the problems you’re escaping from in the first place?

Only you know that answer.

The reason I don’t game is because it no longer serves me. Yes it was fun, and yes it was meaningful, but I no longer wanted to live my life doing the bare minimum. I actually wanted to accomplish something real, like to be happy… and realize my true potential.

At least in my case, the results speak for themselves. Aloha!

So what’s the answer for you? Leave yours in the comments below.

It’s Not Just Me

Chander, a member of our community, also realized gaming wasn’t serving him any longer and he decided to quit after finding himself punching walls, lying to his mom, and skipping class.

“This cold, dark piece of plastic that I could hold in my hand had changed me into someone I did not know.”

So what happened after he quit? Read Chander’s story here.

If you’re ready to quit gaming and turn your life around, commit to the 90 day detox and grab a copy of Respawn to help you succeed.

Join us on the forums and start a daily journal. The extra help from the community will make a huge difference for you.

– Cam

P.S. If you’d like to share your story to inspire others, submit it here.

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In this episode of the Game Quitters Podcast we share an interview that happened recently on Soul Bro Radio. It’s a really interesting conversation that not only covers gaming addiction but other aspects we don’t always talk about on the podcast or in other interviews.

If you enjoyed this episode, please “like it”, leave a review, and subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Thursday!

Listen for free on: SoundCloud | Google Play | Stitcher | iTunes

In this episode of the Game Quitters Podcast we sit down with Jackie Knechtel, co-founder of the Flow Consciousness Institute to talk about how to create magic, including the story behind how Cam and Jackie somehow managed to find themselves at a beach house in Arrifana, Portugal with five bedrooms, a hot tub, pool, and ocean view.

If you enjoyed this episode, please “like it”, leave a review, and subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Thursday!

Connect with Jackie on the Flow Institute Consciousness.

Recommended Episode:

Listen for free on: SoundCloud | Google Play | Stitcher | iTunes

In this episode of the Game Quitters Podcast we sit down with Adam Roa once again to discuss psychedelics, plant medicine, and how Burning Man inspired our personal growth. If you enjoy the episode, please share it on social media, like it on SoundCloud, and subscribe for a new episode every Thursday.

If you enjoyed this episode, please “like it”, leave a review, and subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Thursday!

Connect with Adam and The Deep Dive Podcast here.

Other episodes with Adam and Cam:

Listen for free on: SoundCloud | Google Play | Stitcher | iTunes

Have you ever binged watched an entire season of a TV show or powered your way through the main story of a video game? What if you could use that same mentality and binge on productivity instead?

In this episode of the Game Quitters Podcast we’ll give you 6 steps that you can start using right away to train your brain to become an unstoppable productivity-binging machine! We’ll show you how to create your own “loading screen” to start your day off right, how to grind for real-life loot crates to super charge your motivation, how to craft a personalized set of quests to lead you to success and much more.

If you enjoyed this episode, please “like it”, leave a review, and subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Thursday!

Listen for free on: SoundCloud | Google Play | Stitcher | iTunes

In this episode of the Game Quitters Podcast Cam interviews Brianna Greenspan, co-author of The Miracle Morning. How do you persevere when you live with chronic illness? We discuss that and much more, including The Miracle Morning, avoiding apathy, supporting kids with terminal illnesses, and what life is like for the sibling of a video game addict.

Resources mentioned:

If you enjoyed this episode, please “like it”, leave a review, and subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Thursday!

Listen for free on: SoundCloud | Google Play | Stitcher | iTunes

In this episode Cam interviews Jeffrey Platts, a men’s relationship coach to talk about how to build more confidence and develop more meaningful relationships. They also talk about current obstacles men struggle with in life, and whether you should join the “PUA” community to improve your dating life. An episode with a number of comedic moments, we hope you enjoy it.

Resources mentioned:

If you enjoyed this episode, please “like it”, leave a review, and subscribe to enjoy a new episode every Thursday!